Clams Away--A Tale of Madness and Murder

I'm an old fashioned gal and love love love making Sunday dinner. Growing up, every Sunday, my Grandmother would throw down in the kitchen making goodnesses such as fall apart pot roast, sweet glazed ham, awe inspiring meatloaf, and other amazing comfort food. There was also, almost always, peach cobbler involved and ordinarily I do not like peach but for some reason that peach cobbler just did for me.

What made it even more special was that Sunday was the only day my Grandmother would cook and she was (still is!) an outstanding cook. Even my Grandfather, our Monday through Friday cook, would step away and let the master do her work. 

So, unless there is some pressing activity planned, on Sundays, I almost always cook something special something that is just not rushed time sensitive Monday through Friday type of cooking. And, when its cold weather time, it is a sure thing. I am crazy about Sunday dinner like going through cookbooks for hours crazy for Sunday dinner.


As much I love cooking for my hubster and as much he likes eating my Sunday dinner, there is nothing more special than having friends over to enjoy it too. Plus, to be honest, I always make too much. Sometimes, what's amazing for the first two days can be utterly boring on the third--trust me!


Anyway, I invited some friends over for dinner this Sunday and wanted to impress--because all cooks want to impress. Even someone who invites you over for leftovers wants to impress and no one wants to disappoint. Besides, one of my friends told her boyfriend (who I never cooked for) that I was a great cook. Of course, I wanted to live up to the hype.

So I think and think and come up with a game plan--paella. It is kind of a restaurant type of food not something that you usually get at someone's house, unless of course you live in Spain, and I had made it before.


I actually have an insanely shockingly easy recipe. I totally thought it would be so no problem at all.  I even wondered if I was actually turning it out if it was so effortless. I didn't know what was coming to me. 


I go to the grocery store and pickup the following ingredients (for 10 generous servings):


4 chorizo sausage links
2 cups chopped onion
1 cup chopped green pepper
1 cup chopped red pepper
4 teaspoons minced galic
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon saffron threads (this is randomly expensive but worth every penny)
3 cups uncooked rice
3/4 cup water (obviously I didn't buy this but you need if you want to follow recipe)
1 teaspoon marjoram
1 28oz can of diced tomatoes (I get the San Marzano because I just love it)
2  8oz bottle of clam juice
1 pound of medium shrimp peeled and deveined (I get the frozen uncooked shrimp because I find it fresher)

So, I pickup all these things and think to myself "I need something else. A regular old shrimp and sausage paella just will not do". I contrive to get a couple lobster tails. Of course, I have no idea how much this costs and I never find out because Whole Foods does not sell lobster anything--tails or otherwise. I then hangout at the seafood counter for a long time making the counter person feel awkward, because I say I do not need help but look very confused anyway. I consider the scallops, but reject them almost immediately. I had a bad experience cooking scallops. I couldn't figure out if they were done and ended up cooking them to inediblity. I then spot the clams--the most obvious ingredient to paella. I have always feared cooking clams and mussels. To me they are definitely restaurant fare never to be tried at home. Something about debearding the clams seemed so intense. Just too much. More than I can handle. But I had guests and a random obsession to do something else. I spot a sign that says that they are already debearded. I order 15 and she gives me the bag. At check out I realize the clam bag is open I promptly tie it up and say "yes please put it in a cold insulated bag". 


We take the subway home. I unpack everything. I place the bag in the fridge. My Husband and I clean like crazy, because as much as it used to annoy me when my Mom did this before dinner parties, I am finding that I am my mothers daughter. I shower. Hours go by. I check my email and although I know I am going to steam them up at the end I google how to cook clams just for fun and then am immediately horrified!


Holy ****!  Those clams were (ARE????) alive. I read: Do not tie in bag. They will die. Do not eat dead clams.

I have no idea why, but I thought people bought clams dead. I thought when you cooked them it was like warming them up kind like a nice fillet of salmon.  I am from the Midwest.  Clams are restaurant food. I didn't know! Most of all, I am no killer. I am so sad when I enjoy my lobster roll knowing what happened. Seriously, I screamed when Amy Adams killed the lobster in that Julie and Julia movie. 

I then google dead clams. How can you tell if your calms are dead? Images: dead clams. I learn clams are dead if they are open and don't close. 

Cautiously, I move towards the kitchen. I grab a pot and fill it with cool water. Google also told me it is good to soak them in there so that sand and stuff can come out. That is if my clams didn't died a suffocating death in plastic bag.  Shamefully, I remove them from the cold pack. I tear open the plastic bag that I belated notice has a sticker that reads live clams. I scream as I carefully throw them in the pot. I notice none of them are open. Maybe they are alive. I tap them a little. Nothing happens. I confess everything to my Husband who was obliviously playing a video game while I played a game of life and death. He is shocked and appalled. I wish I told him nothing. He use to be a vegetarian (pre-me). I think maybe he will become a vegetarian again due to all this madness.

I cut vegetables and try not to think about the clams. Of course, I Facebooked this whole drama. A friend suggests setting them free. Set them free where? I must do the deed. I have no choice. I sealed their fate when I asked for 15 please.

I throw the chorizo in the a huge wok pot pulling the meat out of the encasing placing them in meatball form. I then add onions, peppers, and garlic. I cook for about 10 minutes. Then I throw in the pepper, saffron, and rice. I let the rice cook like this for 5 minutes. I feel like doing this releases some the nuttiness of the rice into the flavor concoction. I add everything else, but the shrimp. I cover with foil as tight as I can. I cook for 20 minutes.


At this point my guests are already here and I have had a glass of wine or two for courage. I add the shrimp. I cover again knowing my time is near. 10 minutes go by. It is time. 

I drain the clams slowly. I move with them towards the stove. I remove the foil and quickly (so quickly) I throw them in and cover with foil again. I place another sauce pan on top to make sure that no steam escapes. I hope that it is quick. I wonder if they were dead anyway. They were in that sealed bag for so long. Maybe I had already been merciful if a plastic bag death can ever be called merciful. And I also thought, so very shamefully, I hope they do open. Meaning, I hope they were alive, because it would really suck if they were dead and I have to throw them out. Not to mention awkward for my guests. Could they have survived hours in a sealed plastic bag in the fridge. Is it possible? Did I really just steam something to death. Am I am so cold?


Moments go by and shyly I peek under the foil. They opened! They were alive! I am a killer! I take out a plate and serve the paella up.

The rice is fluffy and soft. Flavor is savory and and abundant. The chorizo is smoky and oh so heedy and the clams--everyone liked the clams. I breathed. So glad next Sunday is a week away. Salut! xoxo happy nibbling